My parents are missionaries in the Wesleyan Church, a very conservative sect of Protestant Christianity. I was raised in an environment where Christianity was held to be the only true way. However, my father has the heart of an anthropologist, and taught me to value the cultures of the people with whom we lived. I grew up in Zambia, Korea, and the Philippines, and went to high school in Los Angeles, and I'm forever grateful for the many chances I had to partake in the diversity of human experience and culture.

For my undergraduate degree, I studied at Indiana Wesleyan University, a school associated with my parents' church. It was at Indiana Wesleyan that I first began to realize that God might be bigger than my narrowly Christian vision. Partly this was just the result of moving out of my parents' house and beginning to explore my own ideas. However, a major factor in my faith exploration was my realization, when I was twenty-two, that I was attracted to men.

I came out to myself during an intense time of prayer, when I was exploring whether or not I should date a particular girl. In an audible voice, someone said, "You can't date her. You like boys." I'm not prone to visions, and I don't know if the voice was God or my subconscious. However, I believe it's a sign of the deep denial I was in that I required a 'voice from God' to wake me up. I also believe it's a sign of the Divine's willingness and ability to guide us (even in our blindness) when we're willing to open ourselves to listening.

After I came out to myself, I sought help from one of the Christian counselors on campus, and ended up in exgay therapy (trying to become straight) for the next two years. During those years, I had my foundations shaken. My Christian counselors couldn't believe that someone like me -- a healthy, happy, Christian boy who also happened to be attracted to men -- could even exist. They had no place for me. I ended up confusing them with God, and finally rejected this God who had first rejected me.

I consider the next few years to be the beginning of my real faith journey. Sometimes, we can't begin to build until the ground has been scraped and brushed clean.

Beginning with the realization that I could not ultimately separate myself from a belief in the Divine, I started to ask all the people I knew about their faith. I wanted to know what people believed, how they practiced, and how it worked for them. I also began to read religious texts voraciously (a practice I continue to this day). Through friends and books, I explored the world's religions and came to the conclusion that I was most comfortable with an image of God that is personal. I have no doubt that this is as much a result of my culture and upbringing as it is of the true nature of God, but the impersonal ideas of Life Force or Karmic Energy leave me cold.

Eventually, in my reading, I came across the work of the Jesus Seminar. This is a group of scholars who try to peer through the lens of history to discover the man Jesus. The work of the Jesus Seminar became a door for me to re-enter the faith of my childhood. I discovered that I really liked Jesus, even while I disliked what the Christian church had done with him. I liked his images of God, and I could see the wisdom in his teachings about how to relate to God and others. I began to reorder my life as a follower if Jesus, although I continued to shun the label Christian.

After school, I worked for five years in publishing. During this time, I found Jesus Metropolitan Community Church, a group of people in Indianapolis who were trying to live out what it meant to be followers of Jesus. I was particularly drawn to the way these people were able to disagree with each on many theological points, and still remain brothers and sisters in the faith. They were people who were wrestling with the Big Questions, and doing so in an environment that didn't require assent to one particular orthodoxy. To me, this was the way a community of faith should be.

Toward the end of my time in publishing, I was beginning to cast about for what I wanted to do next. I began to realize that what I really wanted was time to think and talk about God. I wanted to be around people who were thinking and talking about the same Big Questions that kept me occupied during most of my non-waking hours. So, I applied and was accepted to Earlham School of Religion, a Quaker seminary.

The three years I spent obtaining my first Masters in religion were a kind of sabbatical for me. I had no intention of using my degree, except as fodder for my thinking and writing. My time in seminary was also a chance for me to stand in one place and dig as deep as I could. I still wasn't completely convinced I would find water in the soil of Christianity, and this was my last-ditch effort to do so.

Among the Quakers, I learned a new way of being in the world. I learned to trust silence, and to listen for the Divine in the spaces of life. Earlham was the beginning of an embrace of Buddhist meditative practices for me, and it was the place where I finally accepted the label of Christian again. I also learned about Spiritual Direction as a practice, and met my future spouse during those three years.

After I finished my Master of Arts in Religion, my spouse, Rob, and I moved to Silver City, NM. We moved for Rob's work, and the plan was for me to write full time. I soon found that writing full time required too much alone time for my good, and we ended up opening a small grocery, selling international and gourmet food, called The Curious Kumquat.

In Silver City, we joined the United Church of Christ, a denomination that lives out the Christian faith in much the same way that our local church in Indianapolis did. This is the denomination in which I'm now seeking ordination. I also joined a small group of Buddhists who meditate together regularly. The regular practice of meditation has become an important part of my faith. Finally, in Silver City, I met my current Spiritual Director, Teresa Blythe. She and I have met monthly for several years, and our meetings have been a source of spiritual growth for me, as we listen together for where God is leading me.

As I consider my own journey, there is one quote that always comes to mind. Joseph Campbell said, "If there was already a path it would have to be someone else's; the whole point is to find your own way." I continue to find my own way, and in my work as a spiritual director I try to help others find their way, too.